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Researchers estimate that the number of children nationwide living with at least
one gay parent ranges from six to 14 million. The optimal development of a child
depends on the relationship between the child and the parent, and the relationship
between the parents with each other. The American Academy of Pediatrics released
a statement that there are more similarities than differences in the way homosexual
and heterosexuals raise their children, and that children are just as well adjusted
in families of gay parents. CSP has always known and believed this. We helped our
first gay couple become parents in 1989. That is a long time before most surrogacy
agencies were in existence! CSP was established because we strongly believe that couples who are ready and willing to take on the responsibility of parenthood deserve that opportunity. The desire to parent is the same for all couples, regardless of
sexual orientation.
Working with a gay couple is different and a very personal decision. We have compiled
a series of letters and Myths & Facts to assist you in this decision. Every
couple is special and all couples have the same dream: to become parents.
All the research to date has reached the same unequivocal conclusion about gay parenting:
the children of gay parents grow up successfully as the children of heterosexual
parents. In fact, not a single study has found the children of gay parents to be
disadvantaged because of their parent's sexual orientation. Other key findings include:
* There is no evidence to suggest that gay parents are unfit to be parents
* Home environments with gay parents are as likely to successfully support a child's
development as those with heterosexual parents.
* Good parenting is not influenced by sexual orientation. Rather it is influenced
most profoundly by a parent's ability to create a loving and nurturing home.
* There is no evidence to suggest that the children of gay parents are less intelligent,
suffer from more problems, are less popular, or have lower self-esteem than children
of heterosexual parents.
* The children of gay parents have grown up to be happy, healthy and well adjusted
as the children of heterosexual parents.
Myth: The only acceptable home for a child is one with a mother and a father who
are married to each other.
Fact: Today, children are more likely to grow up in single family or gay
homes than they are from the stereotypical mom and dad who are on their first marriage
family home. Children without the above make up a large part of our society and
typically cope well. The mark of a strong family is having parents who are nurturing,
caring and loving - characteristics that are completely unrelated to a parent's
sexual orientation.
Myth: Children need a mother and a father to have proper male and female models.
Fact: Children get their role models from many places besides their parents.
These include grandparents, aunts and uncles, teachers, friends, and neighbors.
There are unfortunately many children who come from families where one parent is
absent or one parent passes away and yet these children have grown up to be productive
members of our society.
Myth: Gay parents don't have stable relationships and don't know how to be good parents.
Fact: The majority of gay parents are in stable committed relationships.
One of the requirements that CSP has of all our couples is that they are in long
term relationships. CSP screens all couples before they are invited to retain our
services. Not every couple that meets with CSP staff members is invited to retain
CSP.
"The American Psychological Association, in a recent report reviewing the research,
observed that "not a single study has found children of gay parents to be disadvantaged
in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents" and concluded
that "home environments provided by gay parents are as likely as those provided
by heterosexual parents to support and enable children's psychosocial growth"
Myth: Children raised by gay parents are more likely to grow up gay themselves.
Fact: All the available evidence demonstrates that the sexual orientation
of parents has no impact on the sexual orientation of their children and that children
of gay parents are no more likely than any other children to grow up to be gay.
This is a fact supported by every psychological and sociological study to have examined
this issue. Some children may grow up to be gay, as will some children of heterosexual
children. These children will have the added advantage of being raised by parents
who are supportive and accepting in a world that can sometimes be hostile. If you
know a gay person or gay couple, are their parents gay?
Myth: Children who are raised by gay parents will be subjected to harassment and
will be rejected by their peers.
Fact: Children make fun of other children for all kinds of reasons: for
being too short or too tall, for being too thin or too fat, for being of a different
race or religion or speaking a different language. Children show remarkable resiliency,
especially if they are provided with a stable and loving home environment. Times
have changed and America is now a more mixed society. For a while having gay parents
may be non-typical, but as our children grow up, being gay will become more acceptable
to our diverse society.
PHASE 1:
TO BEGIN THE PROCESS
* Request our Intended Parents' Information Booklet. You can do this online at www.creatingfamilies.com
or you can call our East Coast office at (410) 990-9860 or our West Coast office
at (818) 788-8288
* Attend a consultation to meet our staff, an independent attorney and a psychologist.
Some topics covered include: which program to participate in, characteristics wanted
in the surrogate, abortion and selective reduction, amount of contact with surrogate,
legal aspects and financial considerations and how to tell your child about his/her
unique beginnings.
* When Intended Parents are ready to proceed, retainers are signed, returned to CSP and
the couple is officially welcomed to our program.
PHASE 2:
THE MATCHING PROCESS
* Preparation for matching: CSP will assist Intended Parents in getting social disease
testing, photographs, profile of Intended Parents to present to a surrogate, marriage
certificate, infertility letter, etc.
* Matching: when a surrogate completes her psychological and medical screening,
the counseling team will present them with a few profiles of Intended Parents. Once the surrogate
makes a selection, her profile is sent to Intended Parents for consideration. This process
occurs for each potential match of a surrogate and Intended Parents. Intended Parents then selects
which surrogate mother they would like to have help them. The counselor assists
all the parties in coordinating a meeting with one another (the counselor is present
at this meeting). Once all parties agree, the match is confirmed and legal contracts
are drafted. Trust funds are deposited into a trust account to cover expenses of
this pregnancy.
PHASE 3:
MEDICAL PROCEDURES
* In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) Program:
Begin medications for synchronization of cycles and preparation for embryo transfer.
* Artificial Insemination (AI) Program:
Surrogate mother uses an ovulation predictor kit to pinpoint her ovulation.
PHASE 4:
THE PREGNANCY & BEYOND
*Intended Parents stays in contact with surrogate at least once every two weeks throughout
the pregnancy. Our goal is to involve our Intended Parents as much as possible in this pregnancy.
Most Intended Parents will attend at least three doctor's visits, if possible, or speak to
the surrogate's physician on the phone. This is your child and we believe you have
the right to have all your medical questions answered.
* The process of establishing parental rights begins in the second trimester.
* Intended Parents are present at birth of their child. Typically a baby will remain in the
hospital for one day after birth. Once the baby is given a medical clearance Intended Parents will leave the hospital with their baby. Intended Parents' attorney, helps the
couple get the birth certificate and passport.
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