The beauty of building surrogacy bonds
Building surrogacy bonds between the surrogate mother and the parents is a unique part of the process. It is a partnership created for a specific goal—the delivery of a healthy baby to a doting couple or individual.
The Center for Surrogate Parenting establishes matched between surrogates and parents. In order to match a couple or individual with a surrogate, we perform screenings to determine the physical and emotional capabilities of the surrogate and parents. This attention to detail in the matching process also supports the goal for building a relationship between the surrogate and parents.
Once there is a successful match, it’s important for the surrogate and the parents to build upon it. Here are some tips to help with building surrogacy bonds
Share experiences when building surrogacy bonds
The CSP requirement for our mothers to have carried and delivered a child that they are currently raising ensures our mothers are experienced in the pregnancy and delivery process. They understand the bodily changes and steps leading up to the delivery. The surrogate’s experience helps parents share the milestones of the pregnancy and participate in their unborn child’s growth.
Parents can share milestones as well. Sending pictures of nursery preparations, infant clothing choices, and toy purchases allow the surrogate to share in the fun aspects of preparing for the baby’s arrival.
Communication for building surrogacy bonds
Regular updates, conveniently scheduled, help keep everyone informed. Technology makes it much easier to stay in touch. Scheduling face-to face communications through Skype or other video-capable applications allows parents to visually witness their baby’s growth during the pregnancy. Surrogate mothers can share photos via email or text so parents can create memory or baby books. And intended parents can send encouraging cards or letters to the surrogate throughout the pregnancy. Documenting the pregnancy through correspondence and photos is a beautiful tribute to the life that is created.
Respect and boundaries
Despite the close personal connection between the surrogate mother and the parents, there are boundaries that should be considered, discussed and agreed upon when building surrogacy bonds.
- The surrogate mother’s body is her own. The surrogate mother has control over the pregnancy and is responsible for maintaining her health and the health of the child she is carrying. Open communication is key. Both the intended parents and the surrogate must practice empathy towards each other’s concerns.
- The surrogate mother should understand and empathize with the intended parents who have likely not experienced a pregnancy before. This is a major life event, yet the parents have no control over it.
- The intended parents should also show empathy towards the surrogate. It is her body which must undergo the physical ramifications of the pregnancy. She must maintain a constant vigil over the health of the baby and herself, and this can be stressful.
- Surrogates have the right to their own lives during the pregnancy.
- Decisions regarding the child’s upbringing belong to the intended parents, not the surrogate.
We suggest that before the birth, an agreement is reached regarding the involvement of the surrogate after the birth of the child. Will the relationship continue to grow or will there be restrictions? The decision is an important one, and should be respected after an agreement is reached.
A gift of love and life
Surrogacy is a self-less gift of love and life. It allows a person who was once a stranger to care for and nurture a child through pregnancy and, on delivery day, lovingly place the infant into the arms of the intended parents. No matter where the relationships goes after the delivery, there will always be a special bond between the surrogate and the intended parents. Contact us learn more about building surrogacy bonds.