A Surrogate’s Spouse
Surrogate mothers are considered around the world as heroes for those families unable to have children. But, little thought is actually given to the caretakers of those women—their husbands. At CSP, with our 36 years of experience as the world’s leading surrogacy agency, we understand the importance of a husband’s care, encouragement, and support throughout a surrogacy pregnancy. If you are considering surrogacy, but your husband is still unsure about the process, here’s information from a history of working with loving and supportive husbands on how to help them understand and support a surrogate mother and wife.
Understanding the Process
If your wife has interest in becoming a surrogate mother, there are a lot of things you as a husband will have to learn about the process. For example, before the implantation is performed, there will be almost 3 months of twice daily shots that a husband will need to perform—not an insignificant thing! There are also the months of doctor’s appointments, physical pain, care, and emotional toll on surrogates, husbands and families of surrogate moms.
Your husband will need to understand and learn how to separate the pregnancy from his own family. Many men will have difficulty supporting a wife who isn’t carrying their own child, or will have difficulty understanding why their wife would choose to do something like this for another couple. If your husband is struggling with these things, here are some ideas to help him understand.
- Though it seems like a surrogate mother will be carrying their own child, most surrogacy agencies will use gestational surrogacy, which means there is no relation to the baby in the surrogate mother.
- Many men will struggle to understand why their wife would want to carry another man’s baby, or put their family on hold for surrogacy. Help him understand that this is a wonderful way to help a family that’s unable to have children, especially if family members or friends have had difficulty conceiving or have opted to adopt.
- Though surrogate mothers will need a lot of support, husbands will also need a lot of support, which is why CSP offers support groups, and therapy for husbands.
- Many surrogates just enjoy being pregnant, but don’t feel the need to add to their families. Though husbands may not understand this need, let him know that though you’ve decided to not have more children, the opportunity to be pregnant and help another couple is a way to fulfill this need.
A Husband’s Support
Surrogacy requires the support of a husband because he is such an instrumental part in the surrogacy, providing more attention to the care of his wife and the baby than anyone else. If your husband isn’t supportive, CSP will not allow you be a surrogate mother in their program. Because this is such a big decision for you and your husband (and family, as CSP requires that you have had a child) you’ll want to make sure and discuss it thoroughly before deciding to help a family in need.
We know of so many of our surrogate’s husbands who have been extremely supportive, kind, and wonderful to our intended parents. Though the baby is not the surrogate’s or her husband’s, they provide just as much care for the baby. If your husband still has questions about the process of surrogacy, be sure to make an appointment to speak with a Counseling Associates counselor about the process. CSP can even put you in touch with a previous surrogate and her husband to talk more about the process, and about the emotions and questions behind the surrogacy pregnancy.