Center for Surrogate Parenting, Inc.

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Kendra’s Surrogacy Journey: The Beginning

Being a surrogate is something I have always held close to my heart.

It is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I just wasn’t sure how my husband would feel about it, where to begin, and if the rest of my family would support me and my husband through this journey? I wanted to become a surrogate because I had my own journey to becoming a mother. We ended up doing IVF to conceive our 1st child, then we got a happy surprise when we became pregnant with our 2nd child! Going through all of our own struggles made me realize even more that everyone has their own story of becoming a parent and some are rougher than mine. I wanted to help someone else’s dream come true of creating their own families.

When I first told my husband about it, he was a little skeptical. He had a lot of the same questions and concerns most people have. “You’re going to carry someone else’s baby that’s not related to you? How are you going to feel giving that child over to the couple? But there are risks with pregnancy! What if we don’t like the couple? What if it really isn’t a great match? That would make the pregnancy much harder!” I understood where he was coming from, but I explained that I wanted to do it because I believe a family can be formed in any way. I want to help someone with theirs. And yes, I did have some concerns myself, but I knew if I didn’t try, I would regret not doing it and he said “ok!”

I wasn’t sure on how to begin or where to go. A friend of a friend recommended CSP to me so I filled out their application form and got a reply quite quickly. I began working my way through their screening process and sending in all my medical paperwork. They were so great to work with and never minded my many emails with millions of questions! I arranged to go to our first support group meeting with my husband to meet everyone and other surrogates in my area. It was so great to hear about everyone’s journey so far and it made both my husband and I feel very confident about the decision we made to go through this journey. After the meeting we were told we were ready to be matched!

I think I was most nervous for the match! You don’t know who it will be. Will they be fun to chat with? Will we have things in common? Will they like us and our kids, or will we like them? So many questions ran through my head! I was so excited to receive our first profile! I nervously read their letter and couldn’t believe the match we received! CSP not only looked at who would be a good fit for me, but they also found intended parents who would be a great fit for my husband and my kids! When we met them for the first time, we all knew right away that we were a good match and we all agreed in that first meeting to move forward right away! We constantly talk with them and are forming a wonderful relationship. My husband has even said that it makes this journey so much more relaxed and enjoyable knowing we are helping an amazing couple!

Our kids are a little young to understand what exactly is going on. However, we wanted to explain to them what we were doing and why we are meeting these new friends. We told them I’m going to have a baby in my belly soon, but it will not be their brother or sister. We told them this will be a new friend that will always be in our hearts, but will live with our new friends. My oldest got very excited and loves to tell me she is going to have a new friend soon! Our youngest does not understand, but he loves talking with our IP’s, which makes both my husband and I very happy!

I had all my medical records in, forms filled out, contracts signed, and now it was time of our first screening at the IVF clinic. I was nervous again because I wanted it to be a clinic I felt comfortable with. We walked in and couldn’t have been more welcomed! They were so great to work with. My ultrasound came back great and blood work was good to go, except one of them. I would need to retake the blood work in 3 weeks. It’s a little frustrating when you are all set to go and then find out you have to wait a little bit longer.

You are going to get bumps in the road. There may be some waiting periods. Sometimes it can get a little frustrating, but all of that is worth it! Talking with the other surrogates that I have now connected with who have, or are going through, the same steps is so helpful. Patience can be a difficult thing but so far, I really cannot complain. I have had a wonderful support system from some family and friends. My husband is my number one rock! Our IP’s are an amazing support team and CSP is there for every question or concern that I have through our journey.

When we decided to tell our parents and siblings what we were going to be doing, they were all a little shocked. Again, the same questions came up, the same questions everyone has. We explained to them how we felt, why we wanted to do this, what helped us make up our minds, and that we are very happy about this decision. It’s not always easy explaining to people who may not understand. Some didn’t want to know more. Some have been very supportive. Once you decide to do this, you have to accept that some people may not like the idea but you have to follow your heart and how you really feel. You have to know you are still making the right decision for you and your own family. You have to know you are doing this because you want to help make a dream come true for someone else. That seeing your child(ren) coming into the world is the same thing other parents want and you want to be that person for them! For me, I understand the frustration of wanting a family so bad and it just not working out the way you want it too. That you want your own family and you will do whatever you can to create that family you dream of! This is why I decided to move forward and why my husband understood me wanting to do this because he also had the same desire as most people have wanting to have their own family!